If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
