Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize