She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm having to shit out rocks
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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