The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
