2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
