found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
