Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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