That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
