she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
