i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
