I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
