does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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