Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize