it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
