Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
