Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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