Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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