My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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