her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
