Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
