??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
