I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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