There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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