We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize