I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My ass is underappreciated
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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