apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize