I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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