My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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