worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
