Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
