Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
