I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
