I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up under a house in Key West
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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