Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
