Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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