Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
