Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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