She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
