hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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