I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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