There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
