It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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