She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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