Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
