I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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