we have pet lesbian snakes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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