why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need water and some morals
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
