She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
