Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
