This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
