The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
