I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
