Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
