thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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