I want to have your abortion
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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