Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Duck Duck Cougar?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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