so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize