can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize