I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is my gift to your gina
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
