Can i not drive my cunt home
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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