well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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