just tell him i said nine months
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
