I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
