how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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