Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
