singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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