When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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