I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
