We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dicks are not precious.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
