That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
