ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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