we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
