there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
