oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
