It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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