Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize