i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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