no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
