i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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