Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
