It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
