Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
