Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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