Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
