I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
