Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
