the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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