There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
