so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
