Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
