Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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