I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
