He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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