whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
