Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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