so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
