Your mouth is God's brothel.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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