Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize