eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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