dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
