she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
